Nothing Left, But Hope.

20th March 2019. 26th day of reclusion: thoughts have become my most evil enemy. I hated my routine because I hate my job, but now that I don't have it anymore I'm really starting to lose my mind. It requires a good load of self-discipline to work from home, but most than anything else, the most important thing this quarantine is teaching me is that you MUST learn to shut overthinking off. If overthinking strikes and you have plenty of time to listen to it, trust me, things will get nasty really fast. In the last few days, two monoliths have grown in my head: "I can't do anything good", and "I'm alone and no one likes me". They've always been in my head since middle school, but now that nothing is holding them back anymore they're the only thing I see and hear when I open my eyes in the morning. I can do whatever I want, work, draw, call a friend, it doesn't matter: at some point a small hint somewhere will "prove" me that wh...

9th March 2020. We’re officially locked in. Lombardy and other regions of northern Italy have been sealed to prevent this f***ing virus from spreading… but of course, we’re Italy and we can’t do things responsibly. Someone leaked the decision to put northern Italy in quarantine a couple of hours before the government decree would start being effective, and the result was that THOUSANDS of people managed to escape south. I’m beyond mad at the moment. My immune system doesn’t work, I take drugs that put it to sleep twice a day. I’m a high risk patient, and even if I joke about it and I pretend I don’t care, I know that if I get infected things will become nasty super fast. Seeing people taking decisions with their asses, risking the health of their relatives and friends, makes me sick; once again I have the proof that people only think for themselves and for it is good for them. I can’t work anymore, I’ve been at home for 2 weeks now, and another month of quarantine is waiting for me. I ...