Music will save us all
20th March 2019.
26th day of reclusion: thoughts have become my most evil enemy. I hated my routine because I hate my job, but now that I don't have it anymore I'm really starting to lose my mind. It requires a good load of self-discipline to work from home, but most than anything else, the most important thing this quarantine is teaching me is that you MUST learn to shut overthinking off. If overthinking strikes and you have plenty of time to listen to it, trust me, things will get nasty really fast.
In the last few days, two monoliths have grown in my head: "I can't do anything good", and "I'm alone and no one likes me". They've always been in my head since middle school, but now that nothing is holding them back anymore they're the only thing I see and hear when I open my eyes in the morning. I can do whatever I want, work, draw, call a friend, it doesn't matter: at some point a small hint somewhere will "prove" me that what I'm thinking is legit, I really am a failure. It's draining.
As usual, music is the only thing that keeps me going. I feel a little guilty in admitting it, but in this time of uncertainty and hopelessness, my sweet Cure boys are not always the right choice for me. They're perfect when I'm in bed at the end of the day and I need something to cry my brain out of my nose, but during the day, when I really need to cheer up (in order not to break down crying in front of my family, you know...), they just don't work anymore. I don't know if it is because the frustration for this new album that doesn't come out, or because it's been too long since the last concert, but I've never felt so "cold" about them before.
In these days, the only music that is truly saving my everyday life is those of an italian young band, Pinguini Tattici Nucleari (Tactical Nuclear Penguins, hahahah... a name, a program). I started listening to them after Sanremo by chance, because I heard them speak and I understood they were from Bergamo just like my best friends. The nostalgia of their strong bergamasco accent (I see my friends twice a year if I'm lucky...) led me to try out some of their older songs (they've been around since 2012), and after the first two (Test d'ingresso di medicina and Irene) I already knew deep down in my heart that I was falling in love just like I did for The Cure in 2012. Not only the music itself was funny and goosebumpy (?) at the same time, but their lyrics were pure genius. Even the most silly songs made me laugh my guts out. I currently follow them all on Instagram, Facebook and so on, and they're all so nice, even if with Sanremo they gained a whole new slice of public they're humble and nice to all of their fans, and most importantly, now that they're quarantined like us they spend a good part of their day entertaining us through games and Instagram live streamings. I could spend my day just watching them, something I had never experienced with The Cure. Anyway....
They really remind me of my friends, who have the same sick humour. I wonder if all Bergamaschi are the same. I live in Milan, so I'm quite near, but I've been there just three or four times. When all of this shit will be over, I'll go back for sure.
Once again, music is saving my butt from self-destruction. And one veeery heartwarming thing I've noticed during the quarantine here in Italy, is that music is emerging among the things that will always keep people together. Once deprived of our routine, made of actions repeated mechanically and empty rituals, we're rediscovering what really keeps us warm. I've never been so in love with my people, so proud of my country, that goes out on balconies to shout together even the most trash songs, just to have fun and to be together. I've never been more thankful to our artists, that are so passionately trying to entertain us from their homes, extinguishing that dreadful distance between "famous guy" and "fan". In these days we're all on the same level, lonely humans that are learning to spread free love again. The wait at home becomes more bearable whenever I think about that, it brings tears to my eyes, but at least for once, they're tears of joy.
I've started to learn digital drawing during these days. I can't do much with it for now, but last night I was feeling really like shit, and so I decided to draw my very personal version of the "Andrà tutto bene" ("Everything will be alright") rainbow everybody has been drawing in Italy... it has penguins and sheep in it because they're both animals linked to Pinguini Tattici Nucleari, which as I've said is the only thing that is keeping me sane at the moment. I'm not good at all at it, but at least whenever I finish a drawing I feel calmer, so I don't think I'll stop for now, sorry.
Ok ok, I'm having another "rainbow, lollipops" attack again... I'll stop here for today.
26th day of reclusion: thoughts have become my most evil enemy. I hated my routine because I hate my job, but now that I don't have it anymore I'm really starting to lose my mind. It requires a good load of self-discipline to work from home, but most than anything else, the most important thing this quarantine is teaching me is that you MUST learn to shut overthinking off. If overthinking strikes and you have plenty of time to listen to it, trust me, things will get nasty really fast.
In the last few days, two monoliths have grown in my head: "I can't do anything good", and "I'm alone and no one likes me". They've always been in my head since middle school, but now that nothing is holding them back anymore they're the only thing I see and hear when I open my eyes in the morning. I can do whatever I want, work, draw, call a friend, it doesn't matter: at some point a small hint somewhere will "prove" me that what I'm thinking is legit, I really am a failure. It's draining.
As usual, music is the only thing that keeps me going. I feel a little guilty in admitting it, but in this time of uncertainty and hopelessness, my sweet Cure boys are not always the right choice for me. They're perfect when I'm in bed at the end of the day and I need something to cry my brain out of my nose, but during the day, when I really need to cheer up (in order not to break down crying in front of my family, you know...), they just don't work anymore. I don't know if it is because the frustration for this new album that doesn't come out, or because it's been too long since the last concert, but I've never felt so "cold" about them before.
In these days, the only music that is truly saving my everyday life is those of an italian young band, Pinguini Tattici Nucleari (Tactical Nuclear Penguins, hahahah... a name, a program). I started listening to them after Sanremo by chance, because I heard them speak and I understood they were from Bergamo just like my best friends. The nostalgia of their strong bergamasco accent (I see my friends twice a year if I'm lucky...) led me to try out some of their older songs (they've been around since 2012), and after the first two (Test d'ingresso di medicina and Irene) I already knew deep down in my heart that I was falling in love just like I did for The Cure in 2012. Not only the music itself was funny and goosebumpy (?) at the same time, but their lyrics were pure genius. Even the most silly songs made me laugh my guts out. I currently follow them all on Instagram, Facebook and so on, and they're all so nice, even if with Sanremo they gained a whole new slice of public they're humble and nice to all of their fans, and most importantly, now that they're quarantined like us they spend a good part of their day entertaining us through games and Instagram live streamings. I could spend my day just watching them, something I had never experienced with The Cure. Anyway....
They really remind me of my friends, who have the same sick humour. I wonder if all Bergamaschi are the same. I live in Milan, so I'm quite near, but I've been there just three or four times. When all of this shit will be over, I'll go back for sure.
Once again, music is saving my butt from self-destruction. And one veeery heartwarming thing I've noticed during the quarantine here in Italy, is that music is emerging among the things that will always keep people together. Once deprived of our routine, made of actions repeated mechanically and empty rituals, we're rediscovering what really keeps us warm. I've never been so in love with my people, so proud of my country, that goes out on balconies to shout together even the most trash songs, just to have fun and to be together. I've never been more thankful to our artists, that are so passionately trying to entertain us from their homes, extinguishing that dreadful distance between "famous guy" and "fan". In these days we're all on the same level, lonely humans that are learning to spread free love again. The wait at home becomes more bearable whenever I think about that, it brings tears to my eyes, but at least for once, they're tears of joy.
I've started to learn digital drawing during these days. I can't do much with it for now, but last night I was feeling really like shit, and so I decided to draw my very personal version of the "Andrà tutto bene" ("Everything will be alright") rainbow everybody has been drawing in Italy... it has penguins and sheep in it because they're both animals linked to Pinguini Tattici Nucleari, which as I've said is the only thing that is keeping me sane at the moment. I'm not good at all at it, but at least whenever I finish a drawing I feel calmer, so I don't think I'll stop for now, sorry.
Ok ok, I'm having another "rainbow, lollipops" attack again... I'll stop here for today.
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